Every day of parenting is a new adventure, isn't it? Well, okay -- sometimes the adventure doesn't feel so new. There are days when a parent thinks, "This... again?? I thought we were over this!" Then we get back to the basics to try and "correct the problem."
I'm on to a new line of thinking in my parenting, though. What if our parenting isn't about correcting problems, fixing bad behaviors, and turning out well-behaved children? (I know... *gasp*... what will people think if our children are exhibiting bad behaviors?? We can't have that! We need to be one of the parents who has control of our children... one whose children behave like the perfect little sweet things we know they can be!) But what if perfectly behaved children isn't our goal at all?
I've come to the conclusion that parenting isn't about behavior. Parenting is about the heart. Seeing our children not as problems to be fixed, but as eternal souls to be guided into the loving arms of a Savior does several things in a family:
1. It strengthens the relationship between parent and child. A child who is forever being "fixed" goes through life feeling like they're never quite what they were supposed to be. A child who is guided gently and lovingly toward Jesus at every turn is a child who is more likely to feel loved for who they are and where they're at. A child who is more closely bonded to their parent is more likely to welcome and accept a parent's guidance... leading to a spectacular circle of reaching their heart - and ultimately likely resulting in good choices and positive behavior anyway.
2. It allows a parent to let go of the outcome and enjoy their child right where they are. In giving my children back to God, recognizing and truly believing that He loves them far more than I ever could, I am able to take a step back and say, "Hey... my child is really struggling with ______. I'll pray for that and trust God for the outcome, whatever it may be." Then, I can give my child gentle reminders of the natural consequences of their behavior (never rescuing them from those consequences), and love them through it all. It takes the negative emotion out of my response to them, and it engages them in their own outcome while I remain delightfully detached from the outcome and attached to my child.
3. It helps our children to see God for who He is, rather than as a white-bearded judge waiting to ding them on any wrong move they make. Some kids grow up viewing God as the police officer waiting around the corner to catch them speeding. Newsflash... God knows everything we do before we even do it. And, knowing all this, He still loved us enough to send us His Son as our savior.
4. It grows our trust in God. There's nothing that will help us to trust God more than trusting Him in the first place. It's another one of those spectacular circles. The more faith we are willing to place in Him, the more we recognize how completely trustworthy He is and the more we hand over to Him.
5. With an eternal perspective, even the "big" things appear small. Parenting a child who is going through a turbulent time, regardless of how they are acting out, can feel overwhelming. Trying to correct behaviors that we know can cause lasting damage to our children's lives can actually induce a parent to panic when they cannot achieve their goal, leading to emotional outbursts and fractured families. Keeping our perspective eternal helps us to continue to point our children to Jesus even while guiding them through the suffering they have brought on themselves (still, of course, never rescuing them from the natural consequences of their actions.) An eternal perspective maintains that God has a plan for our children, regardless of what our current physical circumstances may be.
If we can remember that we are all spiritual beings having a physical experience, and that life is not about what is here temporally, just imagine how awesome life could be...
No comments:
Post a Comment